Here’s the thing: a song doesn’t have to be “slow and quiet” to be sad, and Mourning Star by Gemini Syndrome is quite a proof of that.
Generally, we associate happiness with upbeat songs, and sadness with quiet ones. This, as a mere generalisation, is true in many cases. It’s also false in as many cases. Take Mourning Star for example. For an upbeat, hard rock song, it brings me close to tears every time I listen to it, and I can’t help but ponder the meaning of the lyrics and find a different interpretation each time.
“I lived my life through recapitulation… everything is still a haze.”
This song is the perfect song to hear when you’re angry at the world. You listen to it, you cry, you get rid of all those negative emotions that have been plaguing your every waking moment, then get up and face the world with refuelled determination.
“I stop myself every second I try. Every minute of time is another I die.”
Now if this isn’t depressing, I don’t know what is.
According to Aaron Nordstrom, the band’s lead singer and primary song writer, “that song is more of a diatribe about the fall of Lucifer from heaven and in that sense of metaphor for everybody’s kinda battle with their own faith in, I don’t want to say God necessarily, but you know, their place in the universe and your purpose for being here.” That is the literal meaning of course. But he also mentions that he was going through a rough time in his life when he wrote the song, and the lyrics reflect that. Filled with expressions of pain, this song beautifully portrays the emptiness you feel when life is constantly bringing you down and making you feel like you don’t belong.
“But heaven doesn’t want me. Now heaven won’t know me…”
If you knew what it meant to me, you wouldn’t have reacted that way. If you stopped for a second to consider my feelings, if only you didn’t assume I’m okay. If only you hadn’t said the things you said. Then maybe I’d have felt comfortable with you again, maybe I’d have talked to you more freely, the way that I used to. When words are uttered, they can’t be retrieved. Their effects are done, and you no longer have a say in what they can do to another person. The hurt is done, and you can’t take things back.
“My words are unerring tools of destruction, and I’ve come unequipped with the ability to disarm them.”
Then again, that might be the result of remembering too much about too many things. A week away, you might not even remember what you said, but a year further, I’d still be dwelling on those words, wondering what drove you to throw such hurtful creatures at me. Wondering what I’d done wrong. Because I still do not understand. And I wouldn’t dare ask you to help me understand, because what if you mistook my question for reopening old wounds? What if you do not understand either? What if you lash out at me again? I guess… I guess I’ll never find out. I guess there are things better left unsaid…
“If you knew what it meant to me
To make it through tonight
You would be a mourning star
And guide me through this life.”
*all quotes are from the song itself, except “My tools… to disarm them,” which is by Maggie Stiefvater.*